Update 2016

Holy smokes.  I 'written in this blog in like, a million years.  Well  for starters, I guess you could say i've grown as a person.  Literally.  I am now a mom of 3.  A chocolate loving, coffee guzzling, indie rocking not too awake ever mom of 3.  It's damn exhausting. Riley, my middle guy is my joy baby.  He's so happy and joyful and funny.  Juliette, my third, is my sweet surprise baby. We were planning on two....but now we have 3...you can do the math, or don't, either way, i'm happy she's here.  I never thought i'd have a daughter, like, ever.  Something about having a daughter is a game changer.  It rips to the core of meAs a mom, I am realizing that I won't be myself for another 18 years.  It's scary as shit sometimes.  Every time I get over the initial shell shock of having another child and feeling like i've lost a little more of my identity I come back around to wonder.  It's perplexing, really, how having a tiny human can really mess with your sense of self (and self assurance)  its like the ultimate test of courage.  I'm constantly second guessing how I do everything as a parent.  I am also a lot more uptight now that I have three little responsibilities.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy to wave goodbye and sayonara to the party girl that once was, and i'm pretty glad those stupid and cliche days are behind me, because my kids really have made me a better person, but when they try my patience, sometimes I feel like a worse one too.  There's no point in sugar coating it or calling it "parental bliss" because thats a huge lie, but sometimes I do miss the little things...sleeping in until even 8am, not sharing my food, being able to carry only a wallet with me, eating a meal without being rushed...butI guess retirement will feel good. So that's that.  The next step is to get past breastfeeding and feel like I can actually wear a shirt without baby puke on it.  Only time will tell.