Hipster Jesus, Old School Church and Marketing Faith (A rant).

This is an old blog I wrote last year, sometime.  I have been re-thinking this stance on church and I am still feeling this way.  I am about to go on a women's retreat with a friend in Denver and I see the same "trendy Jesus" thing happening there as well.It's really starting to piss me off.  God does not change.  God is outside of culture.  I was reading this Denver church's missions statement and you can tell that their appeal isn't towards God, it's towards pleasing popular culture with all their grassroots efforts and Socio-political activism projects.  Don't slap God's approval on something because you want to present yourself as "culturally progressive".  God doesn't buy BS and frankly, neither do I.  Sorry but that's how I feel about the whole thing.  Anyways, this past blog will more eloquently recap those feelings. I am sick of Jesus being "marketed" and sloganized and pre packaged into an image made to sell to a lifestyle that just wants to feel good about justifying their lack of actual faith.  Just like every other major corporation, Post-Modern Churches and the ACTS church movement have made Jesus a trendy item or ideology or a "nice feeling".  Guess what?  Jesus isn't marketable.  Nobody cares what venue you have your church at.  It doesn't matter.  And if it does to you, you are looking in the wrong place for your God.  Cheers.  

Where did Jesus go?

Lately I have been sitting quietly by and pondering the modern church.  I have a long and complicated personal relationship with God and what I guess i'd call "Religion" in general.  The simple version is this:  I started going to church on my own accord around age eight, asked my parents to come with me, which they did, then they became Christians, too.  I was baptized at age 9, and despite what people will try to tell me or argue, I really did know what it meant to me and what I was choosing to do.  I went to a church in Lake Oswego, Oregon to a youth group that had a click of snotty holier than thou girls which never included me and then rebelled, not going to church at all from age twelve to 15.  At 15 I joined a youth group at a Lutheran church and made tons of new friends which made church cooler again and went on to take trips to Los Angeles, Seattle and Canada with their choir. At 16 my parents moved our family to Albuquerque, NM and we joined a different church where I started making friends in the youth group.  The youth group in NM was a bunch of kids who were all secretly rebellious and outwardly "churchy" on Sundays.  I rebelled some more and got into drinking and typical teenager acts of defiance and eventually went to college at Portland State where I walked away from religion entirely for a while, until moving back to NM where my dad announced he was becoming a pastor.  After a car accident at 22, I decided to go to Bible college in Missouri where I found out that real "Christians" are rude, judgmental  stuffy and close minded, also anything but loving with the exception of a few, who were the basic black sheep of Christian college, and of course, my friends.  Eventually I got married and my husband and I started going to my dad's church.  My dad's church is an old Baptist church built in the 1940s where the same 100 people have been members since then.  It is a church stuck in tradition, legalistic approach and its members refuse to embrace any change or progressive thought beyond "updating" the music which now, sounds like the 1980s versions of hymns instead of the 1940s versions.  Its tough being a young adult in my twenties in a dying church that refuses to change.  There are some good things that it has brought to the neighborhood, but overall its depressing to see religion so joyless, so cheesy and so pointlessly doctrinal into denomination jargon that nobody understands anymore.  Its the perfect picture of religion slipping into an irrelevant, culturally disillusioned state of anti progress.  There's a few that constantly work and give and help to try to promote change and the rest just sit in their pews and complain about why there shouldn't be drinks in the sanctuary and how the Baptist association wouldn't agree with this this and that.  Its completely missing the point.  ON the other hand, My husband and I decided to seek out something different to kind of try something new and see whats out there so we went at the offer of some friends  to Mars Hill in Albuquerque.  At first we liked it and event started going to a community group where we met a ton of nice people but after a while, the whole thing really started to get to me.  I started looking around at the status quo of Mars Hill.  Young, hip, trendy, "edgy" and I couldn't help but notice a parallel on the spectrum.  Whereas my dads church is too rigid and too outdated, Mars Hill is almost too manufactured, too networked, too "trendy".  I couldn't help but wonder if even Jesus would fit in here.  They pushed us for membership almost immdediately and increasing numbers seemed like a priority.  The main pastor who preaches via satellite, Mark Driscoll seems more like an inner church celebrity than a pastor.  Mars Hill members are die hard Driscoll fans and it was, at times almost like they took his words at face value rather than challenging them or digging deeper, all the while repeating Driscoll-isms as if they were law.  Needless to say, I have been really personally challenged to find out what church is missing today.  Something isn't clicking and it really bothers me.  I feel detached from my faith and I think I can honestly say that church is the reason.  There is nothing that is relevant about churches.  They are either completely detached from relevant cultural community or they simply create their own and ignore everything else outside of it, forcing others to either conform and join or be lost by the wayside.  Its an epidemic with mega churches like the Mars Hills and Calvaries of the world  who simply mass produce Jesus on a full scale like a product you can find at wal-mart and sell him to a certain type of person.  And the smaller churches lose too, because they feel threatened to hang on to legalism of the 1950s.  The cold hard truth is that denominations don't mean anything to a huge number of people in the world who simply call themselves Christians.  These people are like me.  They are young and pushing 30, they are the next generation of leaders and they are lost.  They know who God is based loosely on their upbringing and experiences but they have no home base for where to find him because they simply do not fit anywhere within church culture and they refuse to settle for trendy as an answer and legalism as a motive.  Its really, deeply saddening.
   Now I look Jesus.  He wasn't a Pharisee.  He didn't toss the book at people without tossing them compassion first.  He spoke their language and made his teachings culturally relevant to the people in which he spoke to.  He put it in their terms for them to understand.  Jesus was not nit picking at their petty habits because they were sinners.  He was teaching them and loving them despite these things.  Jesus was also not trendy.  In fact, I guarantee Jesus would not have gone to Mars Hill.  Jesus was humble.  He was without a podcast and flashy means to get his own voice amplified.  Jesus acted, he didn't boast or self inflate.  I think Mark Driscoll should remember that.  Jesus was not about his own ego or becoming a culture icon.  He was a simple, honest teacher.  So I continue to seek the truth for my generation.  What is church?  Where do we go from here?  There's a gap, a mess we've created with no solutions.  Let's start by fixing that.  How do we make Jesus' message truthful again  without all the fluff, whether big sound systems and our own indoor label or cheesy music and "no coffee in the sanctuary" signs?  I don't know where to start or what the answer is but I will admit that i'm a Christian and i'm lost in a culture that does not speak for my faith. 

Financial Insecurity

Sometimes (let's be real, a lot lately...) my financial self esteem takes a dip into the low range.  It's hard to never feel like you are really financially stable and wonder what you are doing wrong.  I'm not 20 anymore, I don't party, or go to the mall and but a cute outfit just or the weekend and these days i'm lucky if I have enough to buy a cup of coffee.  Don't get me wrong, we're not in poverty, we can afford to pay our bills but that's the issue...Once the bills are paid, there's nothing left over...and its nobody's fault.  If there is any left (which trust me, its never a lot)  it goes to a gallon of milk for the baby, diapers or something necessary but stupid, like toilet paper.  It's frustrating.  It's hard not to compare yourself to others and wonder why they don't struggle the way you do.  It's hard having friends who don't have to worry about having extra and can buy groceries or coffee or whatever just because they feel like it.  It's not their fault either, but it sucks.  It sucks having to agonize over every penny, or look at that last 8.00 in your wallet and try to balance the need for gas over the grocery store.  I am almost 30 and I wonder what I need to do to get to that stable and secure spot, where I don't have to stress so much over finances.  I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place.  I stay at home with my now 16 month old, and financially, we took a hit because I no longer get a paycheck, but we didn't really have many options with our schedule.  Either I stay home or I work and it all goes to daycare.  Silly, huh?  The hilarious part is that there is this unspoken status thing that people seem to believe, like if you are a stay at home mom, you must be able to afford it.  Nope. Wrong.  Like somehow because I stay at home now I must have money to join a gym, have brunch with the other mommies on Thursdays and then retreat to some kind of baby/mommy spa while we wait for daddy to bring home the bacon.  The stigma angers me, because there is a group of families that are stuck.  We can't afford to go to work and we can barely afford (and I say that modestly) to stay home.  We don't have the income to enjoy the fruits of our labor and live a worry free financial life.  We are stuck in between the people that are categorized as the "haves" and those that are the "have nots".  Then there is this whole other class of person that drives me crazy (I know i'm ranting but please, bear with me...)  The type of people who simply leach off of social services and welfare programs without ever contributing anything, having more kids than they can responsibly afford.  They get TANF money (Temporary assistance for needy families) and make it a lifestyle, they receive free daycare  if they do get a job (must be nice, huh?) and they just take and take.  Meanwhile, there are families with kids who have to make serious choices about how to get by every single day, balancing a tight budget just to make it without overdrawing the bank account.  I am tired.  I feel like society has lied to me, to a lot of people in my spot, actually.  They told us to get a degree and we'd have a good job, they told us we could do anything and that if we just follow the steps, we'll succeed.  Well.  I've followed the steps.  I've done what they told me to do.  And here I am.  Blogging about financial insecurity, wondering how i'm going to make it work.  Wondering how my husband must feel working all the time to take care of us and never having just enough to feel adequate. Thinking how it would be nice to go get a latte and not have to worry that it costs 5.00.  I know that's a first world problem, I promise i'm not shallow, just upset.  I am tired.  I am tired of struggling to do the right thing for my family and always feeling behind.  I know someday it will be better.  I know the time spent with my son now will not return void, but there are days, like this one, where I am just tired of the worry money brings when you don't have enough.

Un-Cool Mom Shoes

I had one of those weird moments today, walking down the street in Nob Hill, a trendy neighborhood near downtown and the urban University District today.  As my husband and I pushed Luke's stroller down the street and stopped in Urban Outfitters to wander, we were cut short by my son's high pitched scream, followed by dirty looks by the "cool kids" who were shopping.  For a second, I was embarrassed, and then I remembered....I don't care.  I don't care if my kid's squealing with joy at the stimulation Urban Outfitters can provide (with its Indie vibe and waaay too corporate hipster environment) offends anyone?  I had a blip of a thought.  I was once in their shoes, shopping for overpriced "cool shit" just to make a statement that I was oh so individual.....just like everyone else in there.  I used to be the one giving kids the dirty looks when their parents couldn't keep them quiet.  But you know what?  I don't care, because I've already worn those shoes, and now, my shoes are different...and someday, those spoiled little trust fund neo hipster wannabes will wear mine, and they won;t be from Urban Outfitters, that's for damn sure. It's nice being in a place so full of ego and realizing that nothing inside that place is important, or valuable of even necessary.  It feels good.  I can even laugh a little at the old me, for being such a narcissistic little jerk,  It's funny the things you care about (and don't) when you realize that the world is not about YOU.  It does not revolve to serve you and when you start serving this little person in the stroller because you love them so much you might explode, it all becomes clear.  Everything else is just distraction.  Someday, those people too will have kids, get old, no longer be as "cool" as they thought they were, and be forced to put on a new pair of shoes made of a different perspective....Even if they are from Old Navy.  Hey, at least I can say i'm comfortable in mine.

Making a "Peace Space"

Creating a space is much more about the process of creating it, as it is the finished product.  I have found that as a parent and wife, it is important to make a space in your house for yourself. Whether it's your bedroom, a reading nook or my personal spot at our house, our patio.  There is nothing worse than feeling stressed out by the amount of things that need to get done around the house on any given day, but, by creating a spot just for myself to relax at home, it has made all the difference in the world.  There are a few things that you should consider when creating a space for yourself to enjoy, away from household chaos.

1. Define your space.  What type of space do you want?  Browsing sites like Houzz can inspire you to visualize your perfect space.  For me, being able to be outside, but comfortable is important.  In NM we have the weather tat allows us to be outside nearly year round and I wanted to take advantage of that.  I also like to grow things and garden, so I tried to incorporate a little bit of that into my own "peace space".  It sounds corny but for me, its a small retreat where I can sit and hear the birds chirp, play music, write and sip some earl grey tea in the afternoons, without worrying about putting laundry away, cleaning my house or seeing the pile of dishes in the sink.  My husband helped me arrange the space into a place I want to spend time at.  For you, a reading nook or a studio room to work on projects might be that place.  Defining your space for what you want to get out of it is important in driving you to creating that peace space at your home.

2. Decorate.  Go a little nuts if you want.  After all, this is your space and it should be about what motivates and inspires you.  I have added a few personal things to mine o make it my own.  I love hanging lanterns, especially ones that give a spot a Mediterranean feel, so I started by hanging a Moroccan lantern I had from a hook on the rafters.  Then I bought a few more and strung them around the rafters in different spots, added tea light candles to them and also put a fun string of cafe lights out on the patio as well.  It might seem a bit much, but at night when they are the only lights on, it creates a serene and peaceful place to relax with a glass of wine and some good music.  I also up-cycled an old baker's rack into a plant stand and added a few garden things and my personal favorite potted aloe vera plant.  I love it :)  Making it personal is important!  For you, the color of paint on the walls or a certain type of chair might make it the idea creative space.  Use your imagination and get inspired. I even started my own sweet potato vine and then made it a home in my peace space.  Love it!

3.  Think outside the box.  I enjoy the fact that my patio reminds me of a small outdoor living room.  In fact, my husband even put a mini refrigerator out there to keep micro brews and pop in for when we are relaxing.  It's fun!  We have also started to eat dinner on our patio table as a family, which is a nice change from the same routine.  We all really enjoy it!  Making a small investment in something out of the ordinary for you peace space s sometimes worth it.  We have our mini fridge and my husband bought a JamBox wireless speaker system that was worth it and we can listen to any music we want outside, without having to spend a ton on an outdoor speaker system.  Get creative, see how your family would use the space and incorporate it into something everybody will like.  We also use our patio wall to show movies on.  Its great!  It's like our own outdoor dinner theater complete with surround sound:)

I think your own personal peace space calls to you in a strange an serene way.  I knew the patio was mine when I saw the grape vines along the fence start to get bigger and fuller and then, all of the sudden, we had grapes!!!  What better place to spend time writing and sipping wine and coffee than in my own mini vineyard?!  I knew it was my perfect spot, and I hope you find yours and make it your own :)  Cheers!

Why I CHOOSE to live in Albuquerque, New Mexico

Albuquerque gets a bad rap.  Maybe it's Bugs Bunny's fault, or maybe its the fact that the TV show COPS set up permanent camp here in the 90s but truly and honestly, I live in Albuquerque and I choose to stay here because it's an amazing town.  Let's ditch a few stereotypes first, however.  No, we do not wear sombreros and it's not all desert.  We get snow, we have mountains...and lakes....and rivers...and forests!  We also are as high (and in Santa Fe, higher) than Denver, the mile high city.  They just took all the credit.  Oh, and you know those big giant saguaro cacti you always see on the movies?  We don't have those, that's Arizona.  So now that we've cleared a few things up, let's talk about why Albuquerque is a great place to live.  Despite its problems, Albuquerque, well, New Mexico in general, is a diverse and interesting place and I can see the positives in wanting to raise a family here.  Growing up in Portland, OR I was not quite as exposed to different cultures as I would have liked to be.  Upon moving to NM, I found opportunities to see things differently as close as next door.  New Mexico is a gem in that at one point in was part of Spain, Mexico and the US (in 1912) and it has an integrated cultural variety from all of these things.  That mixed with rich and colorful Native American culture which is still vibrant and well today, makes living in NM like living in a different country.  Here are a few things about New Mexico and Albuquerque that I really love!  Enjoy!

(Sandia Peak Tram!)

1. Chile!  A common question out here is "Red or Green?"  Locals are referring to the Chile of course, which is abundant and served very casually with just about everything.  In Native New Mexican food, it is the Chile that sets it apart from Mexican food.  New Mexican food and Mexican food are quite different.  New Mexican cuisine is often spicy and influenced heavily by the local Native American culture.  New Mexican includes things like Tamales made with corn masa and cooked in dried corn husks, chile rellenos (a personal favorite) as well as sopapillas which are like little deep fried dough pillows of amazingness.  If you go up to Santa Fe, you will see locals put honey on top of their spicy food with Chile.  It sounds gross, but it's actually quite delicious.  So...Red or Green?

2. Balloon Fiesta.  Balloon what?  You heard right, fiesta!  Every fall in October, People from all over the world come to see ht air balloons from the whole globe.  Every morning for a week straight, you can wake up early and see hundreds of balloons fill the blue sky.  If you want to take a more active role in balloon fiesta, you can join a balloon chase crew and help follow your assigned balloon through its journey until it lads, and help get it grounded, or, you can go to Balloon Fiesta Park and see the balloon glow in the evenings where they grounded balloons are lit up at dusk and fill the night with beautiful colors and lights.  You can also crew a balloon and help get it in the air (I have done this and its hard but rewarding work!) or even book a balloon flight with companies like Rainbow Riders, who, for a fee of 100$ or so will take you up in a hot air balloon flight and have a champagne toast after you land.  FUN!!!  It's amazing for families and locals to see hot air balloons landing all over the city for a week straight!  Sometimes people park their cars along the banks of the Rio Grande river and watch the balloons dip into the water.  It truly is an amazing sight!

3. Santa Fe.  I had the pleasure of living in Santa Fe when I was first married to my husband (He is a native Santa Fean) and I have to say it was unlike any place I have even lived.  Santa Fe is a mixing pot of art, food, culture and music.  If you come to NM, be sure to make a day trip to visit some of the local galleries and spots in Santa Fe.  Santa Fe is a very eclectic and amazing city.  If you are around in the late summer/early fall, check out the Indian market or the Spanish market art markets.  Some of the est art in the world come to these events.  Also, if you are in NM in September, check out Zozobra, Santa Fe's version of a burning man type ceremony where they burn a large scale puppet that represents old man gloom, burning away the troubles of the past year.  After Zozobra, the same weekend is "Fiestas" a celebration of Santa Fe's culture and roots, where all the names of the Spanish conquistadors are posted in the plaza (Many of the names are common New Mexican last names like ours, Dominguez, which is displayed every year).  Fiesta's is a great time to see Santa Fe show off its history, culture and livelihood.  There is a parade, a fiesta king and queen as well as many different venues to entertain.  You will hear the locals walking the streets yell "Viva la Fiesta!" in which the other locals will should out "Que Viva!"  It is a fun and amazing time to be in Santa Fe and a few years back, the king and Queen of Spain were in attendance for for fiestas and a special mass at the historic St. Francis Cathedral in downtown Santa Fe.  Don't forget to finish your fiestas with a margarita (or two!) at the La Fonda Hotel's Belltower Bar, overlooking the city, or at Marble brewery for a cold local micro brew.  If you are looking for a great place to stay, consider the Hotel St. Francis for a very NM feel oh, and Viva La Fiesta!!

4. Amazing Outdoor Adventures!  I recently went camping with my husband, son and our friends who also have a 4 year old little boy.  We decided to check out Bandalier National Monument.  Bandalier is by Los Alamos National labs and is a historic site of a pueblo village that was carved entirely inside a cliff to form a rock dwelling type pueblo for early native american cultures.  This is one of the many fun and amazing places NM has to offer.  Other places to check out are the Jemez Hot springs, Ojo Caliente Hot springs, Sipapu Ski Basin, The Pecos Wilderness,white sands,El Morro rock, Sandia Ski area (ride the lift in the summer and bike your way back down!) Quarai ruins and the beautiful tent rocks hiking area as well as the Santa Fe wilderness area.  Another weekend getaway to consider is the site of El Porvenir Camp.  There is a campground (bears are frequently spotted here but harmless) or you can rent a small family cabin at the actual El Porvenir camp for something like 40.00/night.  There are a lot of outdoor adventures for the whole family.  If you are feeling daring, take a day trip up to Taos and go on a whitewater

rafting tour through the Taos box rapids or check out horseback riding in Northern New Mexico.

5. Ghost Towns.  There are plenty of these in NM and they can be a fun day trip or photo opportunity adventure!  Check out Magdalena or my personal favorite, Madrid, which is just around 60 miles outside Albuquerque and the filming site of the movie "Wild Hogs."  Old mining towns with tours and art and that quirky old west feel run rampant in NM and they are a great escape from a modern world, even if just for a few hours.  If stopping in Madrid, eat at the Mine Shaft Tavern.  Rugged old saloon with a lot oh ghost town charm and good for a full belly.  Also check out the quirky art galleries in town.

6. Pueblo Culture.  There is an advantage to living so close to the 4 corners.  We get the best of Native culture and arts, food and dancing.  In the fall and winter, many of the pueblos have Feast Days where they invite the public to come and observe native dances specific to the people of the pueblo and then eat some of the native food also.  We also have the Gathering of Nations Pow Wow in Albuquerque every year which brings together the 4 corners region as well as many other tribal leaders and people from all over the country.  There is also a fair share of casinos all over the state that have a lot to offer in fine and casual dining, entertainment or simply getting a night out without dropping a Vegas budget.

7. Micro Brews & Wine.  New Mexico's climate allows for a colorful variation of wine production to take place here.  It's high altitude coupled with  our semi arid climate makes for some great wine country and even better wine festiavls throughout the year (I enjoy the Bernalillo Wine Festival every year around labor day) and fantastic wine and food pairings and dinners offered at local fares like Zinc Wine bar in Nob Hill Albuquerque as well as various venues in Santa Fe.  As for Micro Brews, NM has put itself on the map in the last few years with breweries emerging in various locations all over the state.  Marble Brewery, Tractor Brewery, Il Vicino Canteen and Chama River Brewing Co. are a few of my Albuquerque favorites and as far as Santa Fe goes, it doesn't get any better than Santa Fe Brewery's Java Stout or the State Pen Porter.  Cheers!

8. Sports.  With a baseball team called the Isotopes, do I really have to say more?  Albuquerque is a big college sports town.  With the University of New Mexico Lobos, there's always a football, basketball, or soccer game to go to.  You name it, the Lobos have it.  Don't hold our football team against us, we still love them :)

9. Public Transportation.  Okay, okay I know we aren't NY, hell we're not even LA but we do have a train that will talk you from ABQ to Santa Fe and back again on a scenic and lovely route that your whole family will enjoy.  We also have bike paths and trails for bikers as well as a bus system that can get you anywhere you need to go.  We're proud and its getting better all the time! Did you know that ABQ also has bike polo teams and tournaments? Who knew?!

10.  Wide Open Spaces.  Living in a desert makes you feel so small when you compare one person to the vastness of a huge blue sky and measureless desert.  It scary and beautiful and mysterious all at once.  Georgia O'Keefe once said of New Mexico:

-arriving in New Mexico...

Well! Well! Well!... This is wonderful. No one told me it was like this! (Georgia O'Keeffe)

To which I wholeheartedly agree.  I have decided to raise my family in the wide open, great big yellow and blue country of New Mexico.  It has been my joy to share it with you.

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

It's easy to fake a smile when you know things are going wrong, but they will get better.  But what if you don't know?  Yesterday I had a serious freak out.  But before I get to that, I want to share a topic that somebody wrote into one of my favorite advice columns about (Dear Prudence with Emily Yoffe @ SLATE .com)  That topic is Postpartum depression/anxiety.  Here is the article:

(Source quoted is from: SLATE.com / Dear Prudence with Emily Yoffe)

Q. Sister's Untreated Postpartum Depression: I visited my sister for the first time since she gave birth in April. I spent a week with her, and I came away with the impression that she has serious postpartum depression. She struggled to get out of bed, she would cry for hours, and she sometimes expressed the wish that she had died during birth. She also berated herself for not being a happier, healthier mom. When I expressed my concerns to her husband, he told me to mind my own business. My family lives on the opposite coast as my sister, and she gets her main support from her husband and his family, who live near them. I know from past conversations that my sister's husband does not believe in antidepressants or depression. He has said things like, "Everyone has bad days," and, "People need to be accountable and solve their problems on their own." I worry that my sister is not getting and will not get the support she needs to work through her depression. What can/should I do to help her?

A: Oh, great, she's married to an idiot, one who is potentially endangering the life of his wife and their child. You have plenty of evidence your sister has suicidal thoughts. I think you need to tell her you've been very concerned about her since your visit and if she won't discuss her psychological state with her doctor, you are going to call and alert her obstetrician. (Make sure you have the doctor's name before you let her know this.) If she begs you not to do this, say hearing her in this state is alarming to you, and only confirms she needs professional help. Tell her, if she were bleeding dangerously, you'd call 911, no matter if she begged you not to. I know you are far away, but you, or other family members, might just need to show up to make sure your sister is getting the professional attention she needs. Becoming a mother can be overwhelming, but thinking you should have died in childbirth is a medical emergency.

First of all, upon reading this and not understanding Postpartum depression/anxiety, you might think that this person's sister is being overly dramatic.  Let me assure you, she's not.  Postpartum Depression is something that many many women including myself deal with after having a baby.  It is scary because often times, it can go misunderstood or even ignored.  The guilt you build up in feeling like you "should" be happy or you "should" be grateful is ravenous. The guilt you feel about having a beautiful baby and somehow not being able to enjoy or even like the experience can cause women to suffer so much.  It does not help that there are moms and mom groups out there that glorify having a baby as the end all of accomplishment.  Let me stop.  I am not saying having kids is easy, not is it something you shouldn't be proud of, but why all the over zealous pretending and smugness of overly perfect mommy perfection?  Is that realistic?  No. And its damaging, and it isolates the women that do feel unsure about this whole thing.  After my son was born I got sad.  At first I was blue, then weepy, then I missed my old life and on top of being tired, my husband simply didn't get it.  He would say things like "snap out of it, we have so much to be thankful for, just look at our son..."  Of course I knew that but when he said those things it made me feel worse, like somehow the way I was feeling made me a selfish, bad and lazy parent.  I let this go on for 8 months, the crying episodes, the explosive temper at my husband for not understanding, loathing the same routine day in and day out, wanting to run and be at work as soon as I could just to take my mind off it.  I tried a few "mommy groups" to no avail.  These women stayed home and ate, slept and breathed mommy bliss.  It made me sick.  I was not like them.  They came off as liars to me.  I thought "how could these woman be so full of shit?, Aren't they bored?  Don't they have any hobbies that separate them as individuals aside from being mothers?"  It was discouraging.  They would hand grind their own baby food, brag about saving the environment by using cloth diapers (call me lazy but good luck with that), lecture about BPS's in bottles and why you should not give your children anything but organic this and that.  Whatever.  The point is, clearly, the mommies and I were not living on the same planet.  I am the type of person who still likes to do things, aside from defining myself in one bubble, i circulate to many.  I like going to rock shows, I enjoy micro-brews, hell I might even get a tattoo at the age of 30, I still have life to live and I want my life with my son to be integrated, not separated from who I was "post kid".  Of course I have to modify, but I am still me, and I refuse to be defined simply as "mom".  That was hard because I had no place to fit.  All my friends did not have kids and weren't married, so they disappeared after Luke was born, which left me lonely, and sad.  After 8 months, I finally went to see a counselor.  It helped a lot.  I even started taking an anti anxiety med (generic lexapro) after my son was about a year old.  I started feeling so much better.  Balanced, happy, active and actually starting to take an active role in being a parent.  I made friends that had kids that still had lives, we clicked and things were going great.  The best advice I can give, after dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety is this:

Get help.  Get it ASAP.  There is no shame in asking for it or needing it.  You will start to feel human again after just talking to somebody about how you are feeling and what you are dealing with.  I promise.

Volunteer.  If you are a stay at home mom, volunteer somewhere that interests you.  Volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center and help others who might need somebody to understand them, serve soup in a shelter, DO SOMETHING TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Make friends.  You probably already have them, but you will need to make at least one of two friends that have kids.  They will understand what you are dealing with, they will uplift you and you can help uplift them too.  I have one friend with a little boy younger than mine and we take our strollers and go walking to all the thrift stores by my house.  It's so much fun.  We drink coffee and exercise, get out and the boys are happy too.  Find friends with kids that are a good fit for your life :)

Do not be afraid to try medication if you think it might help.  I was freaked out at the thought of trying it but it did help me a lot, and the dose was very small.  Talk to your counselor or doctor and they can help you find the right fit.

Talk through these things with your spouse, but do it at an acceptable time (i.e. have the in laws watch the baby) go out to dinner and take one on one time to discuss, uninterrupted your feelings and then both of you come up with a supportive game plan to tackle your postpartum together.  If necessary, make time where your spouse can talk to your counselor with you or your doctor so that they understand what you are dealing with from a professional perspective.  Have the counselor give your spouse information and ask them questions if they need to.  

Don't try to be supermom.  This means setting small goals for every day that you can accomplish to build yourself back up into somebody who feels healthy, not overwhelmed.

Make YOU time.  It's okay.  You're allowed.  Being a mom does not mean that you don't get a break.  Sometimes you need that hour for a cup of coffee, a pedicure or even some retail therapy, just to feel like yourself again.  It's okay!  You are still a good mom!

Make a date night with your spouse.  Whatever you can do: A night away one a month, a dinner, a movie, anything.  Make time for each other to enjoy your marriage and re-charge your relationship.  plus it will give you something special to look forward to and even look sexy for!!  Nothing is sexier than a woman who can flip the switch from mama to hot mama with a little lipstick and a little black dress ;)

Create a PINTEREST Board.  Now that you have more time at home, try something new, you can set little goals.  It sounds silly but it helps.  I decided to find a few simple PINTEREST projects/recipes to try out.  I would make a plan like: Today I will go get the supplies, tomorrow I will paint, the next day I will....OR you can try to master that Kahlua cupcake recipe you've been dying to try out but never had enough motivation to try.  Being at home and trying new things can really inspire some creativity.  I have been doing this and I am enjoying the results ;)

The bottom line, though, is that is you are struggling with postpartum, talk to somebody.  You can feel better, and you can feel like a good mom/person/wife etc.  I did and i'm glad I finally took the initiative to help myself out of my postpartum rut.